Might Try This Blogging Thing…

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  Tonight as I am flying back home from my NYC adventure, Colbie Caillat is blaring in my headphones, and there is a fantastic display of lights to enjoy out my window.  I thought this would be a great opportunity to reflect on the past year and begin looking forward to the next.  2013 has arguably been one of the best years of my life!  I accomplished BIG dreams.  But on the other side of that, in the midst of accomplishing big dreams, I struggled to grieve and let go of other dreams.  A few short years ago I would have NEVER imagined my life at this stage as it is now:  single, no children, and running a dance studio.  And although part of that feels like a fairy tale, the path it took to get there was quite the nightmare.  I didn’t just wake up one day divorced and loving life.  Even when I was facebooking “I love my life,” I wasn’t always really loving my life.  Sometimes I was curled up on the bathroom floor wondering how in the world I could make it one more day in this cruel world as a single person!  The very sweet moments of 2013 are probably what carried me through the very dark alone times I experienced.  I can look over the past year and see the journey that I have taken and the growth that has occurred.  I can see positive choices that I have made and mistakes that I have repeated over and over.  As one year ends and another one begins, I am proud of the giants I have slayed in various aspects of my life and I am determined to continue on my journey toward healing, happiness, and being whole.  

One of the biggest shocks of my 2013 was the realization that I had bought into society’s lie that life sort of begins when you are married, or at the very least in a relationship.  For a very independent girl, this was a hard reality to swallow.   Me???  I’m living a lesser life because I am living my life solo??  NO WAY I would have told you!  (With a fiery passion, a few head nods, and some snaps I might add.)  But in reality that was my mentality.  Get through divorce, heal, find someone to start a new relationship with so that “happily every after” can begin again.  After some really hard lessons I came to grips with truly being single.  No special someone to call up for dinner, no last minute movie plans, no one to text good morning and goodnight…just little ‘ole me to make it through the day with.   For the first time in a long time I had to own up to the independent personality that I portrayed to the world.  I had a choice to make.  Would I allow my singleness to define my life?   Would I live life in gray waiting for my prince charming to ride up and save the day?  No.  That is not the life I wanted.  I want to live life to the fullest every day!  Live it big!  In bright colors!  Single or not!  Now it wasn’t over night and it didn’t come easy.  It has been a struggle to say the least but I am starting to get it.  Some days I have to drag the cheer coach voice out and give myself what we cheer coaches like to call “a come to Jesus meeting.”  But I am doing it.  And I am going to keep doing it…. Just some ramblings from the journey…

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2 responses »

  1. I am proud of you. God has so much for you. In His time. Praying for you little sis. Jeremiah 29:11.
    Blessings to you…Lynn

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